Chuck vs the Highly-Inconvenient Killers
by P.J. Murphy
Summary: Chuck and Sarah want to spend a quiet New Year's Eve together at home. Of course, things never work out the way they want, as they receive a call from Casey and Gertrude Verbanski, who have gotten themselves into quite a bit of trouble. One-shot holiday story. Happy New Year!


_Hello. Sorry this is a day late, but I just finished a computer course last week to add to my resume. (Yes, I'm still looking for a job.) Of course, it would help if the skills I'm actually best at were on my resume. (As Sarah would say, I made an oopsie.) But I somehow managed to come up with a New Year's story about Chuck and Sarah's quiet night being interrupted. I hope you like it.  
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_Please feel free to leave reviews, and I hope everyone has a wonderful 2013.**  
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_**Echo Park  
December 31, 2012  
10:15 PM PST**_

"Yes, Ellie. That does sound like fun."

Sarah watched as Chuck listened to Ellie describe her night with Devon in Chicago just minutes after midnight struck in the Midwest. Truth be told, she bore a more pleasant expression while she was hanging out with a shirtless and Speedo-wearing Peyman Alahi. And Señor Wookiee was much easier to handle than her sister-in-law.

"No, we're just having a nice, quiet night."

Sarah smiled at that thought. After everything that had happened in 2012, a quiet night was just what she needed. A couple of bottles of wine and the most wonderful man in the world was all she needed to welcome in the New Year. Chuck even had a fire going in the fireplace, although it was a bit on the warm side to really need it. Still, after all of the rain Los Angeles had to endure in the last few weeks, a warm fire really hit the spot.

"Next year, El. I promise. We can be there in Millennium Park to celebrate with you." Chuck covered the receiver and leaned towards Sarah. "And freeze our butts off. It's ten degrees there right now."

Sarah shivered. She had only been to Chicago twice in her life, and the weather was much warmer both times she was there. Her father took her there once while she was living in Wisconsin as Katie O'Connell. Unfortunately, that was to try a brand new con involving scamming people on the L. The second time was for a mission, so she never really got to enjoy much of the city.

"OK, you have a good 2013, too. Love you, sis. Bye." Chuck hung up his phone and sighed. "Two thousand miles away, and it still feels like she lives here."

"But it sounds like they're having fun."

Chuck nodded. "One of the advantages of Mom moving to Chicago to help them with Clara. She babysat for them tonight, and they got a room at the Drake Hotel. They saw the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier count down to midnight, they saw the skyscrapers, they went down to Millennium Park and ice-skated, they took a lot of pictures…"

Chuck was interrupted by a beep on his mobile phone. "Yup, here they are in front of Cloud Gate."

Sarah looked at the picture. "Your sister and brother-in-law are smiling in front of a very large mirrored kidney bean."

Chuck shrugged. "What can I say? Ellie and Awesome like to be the world's most obvious tourists."

Chuck's phone rang once again. "Hello?" Chuck sighed in frustration. "Morgan, how many times? Sarah and I just want a quiet night at home…no, I don't care if Jeffster! flew in from Germany, I don't want to…really? Two million copies? Well, that's impressive, I have to admit, but I'd rather just see them tomorrow, OK?...I'm pretty sure that's part of our plans tonight…yes, you should consider yourself lucky you have someone like Alex…Morgan, Sarah's giving me the stinkeye. I have to go. Bye."

Sarah was a tiny bit offended as Chuck hang up. "I wasn't giving you the stinkeye."

"I know, but you'd be amazed how quickly he'll hang up if he thinks you're mad at him."

"So I have to be the bad guy here?"

"Well, that used to be part of your job description," Chuck said sheepishly.

Sarah nodded. "That's a good point." She smiled and snuggled next to Chuck. "Plus, I love that you want to just spend a quiet night at home. I know you like to go out and have fun, but after everything that's happened to us, it feels so much better to just spend it with the man I love."

Chuck gave her a gentle kiss. "Believe me, there's no better place to be than with you. You're all I need in life to be happy."

Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck to go in for a longer kiss. Chuck's phone began to ring once again. She exhaled deeply and buried her face in his shoulder.

"We can't catch a break tonight," Chuck quietly growled. He hit the answer button. "Morgan, I told you to…"

Suddenly Chuck sat up straight on the couch. Sarah lifted her head and looked at him, taking note at the sudden look of concern.

"What's going on, Casey?"

_**Unknown Location  
December 31, 2012  
10:45 PM PST**_

For someone who had spent the last ten months in search of romance, it was very difficult to tell by the grizzly-like growl emanating from his throat.

"This is what I get for mixing business with pleasure," Casey muttered under his breath as he struggled against his ropes.

"So this is my fault?" Gertrude Verbanski spat from her chair directly behind Casey, tied up in much the same manner.

"I don't recall stealing $5 million from accounts in Zurich belonging to Alexei Petrov."

"You know that was money he stole from innocent Russian citizens. You agreed to help me get it back. In fact, your exact words were 'let's gut the Commie prick.' Seriously John, the Cold War ended twenty years ago."

"I thought it was going to be a simple computer hack job. You conveniently forgot about the part where you had fractured his cheekbones and broke his nose years ago."

"Like you haven't bashed someone's face in? Give me a break, John."

"With your knees? While you were in bed with him?"

"Like you've never taken a crook to bed?"

"No, it just makes me wonder how many other dirtbags you've had between your legs."

"You keep this up and you won't be one of them," Gertrude barked at him.

Casey huffed in frustration and shook his head. "We've done it," he said a calmer voice.

"What did we do?"

"We're Bartowski and Walker. I can't tell you how many idiotic arguments I had to listen in on since they got together."

Gertrude gave a little laugh. "I'd rather you accuse me of being a whore."

"It was only a matter of time. We reunited six months ago and we've been inseparable ever since."

Gertrude nodded her assent. "The 'keep our hands off each other' phase is over. The excitement has gone away."

"As we sit here waiting for Petrov to come back and shoot us?"

"You know what I mean," Gertrude replied.

"I know, I know. I suppose the good thing is we recognize it. Not every couple does. Now we can work on it. If we get out of here, that is."

"Speaking of which, have you gotten through your ropes yet?"

Casey gave several futile tugs against his ropes. "For once, we didn't get Russians who couldn't even catch Rocky & Bullwinkle. Wait, the chair isn't bolted to the ground."

"Maybe we can make this work. I have something they didn't locate when they frisked us."

Casey rolled his eyes. "Do you really think that little five-shot Malysh is going to do us a lot of good against a dozen of Petrov's goons?"

"That's not the only thing I have hidden. My spare phone is right next to it."

Casey turned his head towards Gertrude. "Good thing you were wearing a skirt tonight."

Casey flipped himself to the ground and crawled towards Gertrude.

_**Echo Park  
December 31, 2012  
11:00 PM PST**_

"What do you mean you've been captured?" Chuck asked in a panic.

"We were tracking funds a Russian friend of Verbanski's stole, and he captured us. Can you lock in on her phone signal?"

Chuck quickly pointed to his laptop, which Sarah ran to retrieve. She handed it to him, and Chuck quickly ran the program he still had installed to access the NSA's satellite network. "Give me one second, Case."

"Make it quick, Bartowski. They can't find us like this."

"Like…what?" Chuck asked in confusion as he put a track on Gertrude's phone. "Can't you shoot your way out?"

"Petrov's got a dozen men here. Verbanski's little p-gun isn't going to do much good."

"P-Gun?"

"Only place she can stash it and the bad guys won't find it. It's right here by her…"

"Never mind!" Chuck said quickly. His computer then beeped. "Found you. We'll be right there."

Chuck hung up his phone. Sarah looked at him. "Casey got himself into some compromising position?"

A shiver went through Chuck. "You could say that."

_**Unknown Location  
December 31, 2012  
11:40 PM PST**_

Chuck and Sarah managed to sneak into the warehouse undetected. Although Sarah was armed to the teeth, Chuck still settled for a pair of tranq guns. They found a ladder to take them up to a catwalk. They walked down the catwalk until they spotted Casey and Verbanski, still tied to their chairs and joined by several men with guns.

"Gertrude, you know how much I want to make you suffer for what you took from me," Alexei Petrov said with a self-satisfied grin. "But since I'm feeling a bit charitable, I'll give both of you a quick and painless death if you just tell me the account numbers where you put my money. Unless of course, you'd prefer your boytoy suffer a slow and painful end for you to witness."

Verbanski didn't say a word. Petrov got in her face. "One way or another, you will tell me what I want to know. After all, you're not the only expert in getting people to talk."

Petrov turned her chair to face Casey. "Kill him," he told his fellow thugs. "Take all the time you need."

One of the men got out a long knife with a serrated edge and put it to Casey's face, who didn't even blink.

Suddenly, the man dropped to the ground, quickly followed by the man standing on the other side of Casey. Petrov looked all around as more of his men fell to the ground.

He finally spotted Chuck and Sarah on the catwalk. "Get them!" he yelled to the remaining men, who ran to the ladders, firing away as they did so. Petrov tried to retrieve one of the guns his men had, but Casey leaped up from his chair, head-butting Petrov in his chin and sending him to the ground.

Chuck and Sarah ducked down out of the line of fire as Petrov's men tried to climb up the ladders to get to them. They had nowhere to run. Chuck spotted a chain tied to the catwalk a few feet away and scanned the warehouse. Suddenly he flashed.

"Sarah, get your guns ready," Chuck said as he untied the chain from the railing. Sarah looked up to see what Chuck had in mind.

"Isn't this the sort of thing you used to avoid?" Sarah asked.

"After five years working with you and Casey, quiet nights are overrated."

Chuck grabbed the chain and stood on the railing. Sarah climbed up and wrapped herself around him. He jumped off the railing and swung towards the middle of the warehouse as Sarah opened fire on both ladders. Petrov's men ducked out of the way as Chuck reached the rope hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the warehouse. He grabbed the rope and let go of the chain, wrapping his legs around it and sliding down as Petrov's men tried to climb back down to get to their boss.

Despite Chuck trying to use his long sleeves to avoid rope burns, he screamed out in pain as the rope cut through his shirt. He let go of the rope, leaving Sarah and him hanging upside down several feet above the ground. Sarah quickly let go of Chuck and dropped to the ground, dropping her guns and cutting Casey free just as Petrov's men got to them. She landed a roundhouse kick to the face of one while Casey sent another one down with a nasty haymaker. He kneed another one in the groin before landing a hard jab to knock him out. Sarah took the last one out with an elbow to the face.

Sarah and Casey turned around when they heard a gun cock. Petrov had a pistol aimed right at them.

"Nice try, but you will still lose," he seethed as he aimed at Casey.

Behind Casey and still tied up, Verbanski tapped Casey with her knee. Casey glanced over his shoulder, and Verbanski made a subtle gesture with her legs. Casey dropped to the ground, reached under Verbanski's skirt, and quick drew her OTs-21 Malysh. He fired twice, dropping Petrov.

Sarah breathed a sigh of relief and went over to Chuck, who was still hanging upside down. "Are you OK?"

"Sure," Chuck replied. Sarah started to reach for the rope to untangle him. "Wait, no Spider-Man kiss first?" Chuck said with a grin. Sarah rolled her eyes and gave him a quick peck on the lips before untying him from the rope.

"Nicely done, John," Gertrude said as Casey cut her ropes. "If only you would have been working for me all those years."

"I had a job, remember?" Casey replied. "I liked what I was doing."

"Maybe, but the government couldn't have matched the benefits package," Gertrude replied with a lascivious glance.

Casey turned to Chuck and Sarah. "Thanks for your help. Sorry to ruin your quiet evening."

"Oh, I ruined quite a few of yours before, Case," Chuck replied with a smile. He looked at the small pistol still in Casey's hand. "P-Gun?"

"Came in handy after all," Casey replied with a shrug.

"Do you have another one of those I could buy?" Sarah asked Gertrude. "The Smith & Wesson 421 I have is a bit bulky for that situation."

"You have a 421? I'll trade you for that. It's the least I could do after the help you gave us."

"You like the larger gun?"

Gertrude stood next to Casey and ran her hands over him in a not-so-subtle way. "Let's just say I've gotten used to having big things between my legs."

Chuck shook his head and groaned in exasperation. His mobile phone then beeped. He looked at it. "Happy New Year, everybody," he announced as he showed the time striking midnight.

Sarah grinned and gave Chuck a passionate kiss. Gertrude gazed at Casey with a raised eyebrow. He sighed and leaned down to receive a kiss from her.

"Let's hope 2013 is much quieter," Casey said.

"Really?" Chuck asked.

"No, but I can always hope," he answered with a sigh.

The four walked out of the warehouse.


End file.
